Parliament Decides Bill Weight Through Bench Press: 'Voice of the People' Too Heavy for Anyone to Lift

A new process has been introduced in the basement of the Parliament building to literally measure the 'importance' of bills by weight. Each lawmaker attaches bills as plates to a barbell, with the lifted weight directly correlating to support rate. In recent deliberations, the 'Triple Lawmaker Salary Bill' was unanimously passed as light as a feather, while the petition set named 'Voice of the People' was too heavy to even budge from the floor.

2025-10-04

Translations: JA

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Parliament Decides Bill Weight Through Bench Press: 'Voice of the People' Too Heavy for Anyone to Lift

A new process has been introduced in the basement of the Parliament building to literally measure the “importance” of bills by weight. Each lawmaker attaches bills as plates to a barbell, with the lifted weight directly correlating to support rate. In recent deliberations, the “Triple Lawmaker Salary Bill” was unanimously passed as light as a feather, while the petition set named “Voice of the People” was too heavy to even budge from the floor.

The “Physical Parliament Reform,” proposed by the cross-partisan muscle training enthusiasts’ federation to solve longstanding issues like “stalled debates” and “審議拒否,” has finally unveiled its true form. In the newly established “Legislative Gym” in the parliament basement, the sound of protein shakes replaces heckling, and voting adopts a “touch-and-go” method where the barbell must be lowered to the chest. The rules are simple and clear: if you can lift the bill, it passes; if you can’t, it’s rejected.

During the memorable first “Legislative Weightlifting” session held recently, multiple bills were placed on the deliberation platform—or rather, the bench press. The much-watched “Triple Lawmaker Salary Bill” was a 1kg plate made of special carbon material. Many lawmakers easily cleared it as a warm-up, passing it unanimously. A veteran lawmaker stated breathlessly, “No need to talk about feeling the weight of responsibility to the people anymore—this is truly efficient.”

In stark contrast, gathering dust in a corner of the chamber was the massive plate set named “Voice of the People.” This was a special alloy compressed cast of 80 million items including petitions from across the nation, signatures demanding more nurseries, and angry letters about pension issues. Its estimated weight was immeasurable, and even forklifts couldn’t handle it.

The ruling party’s policy chief explained with a solemn expression, “We are physically receiving the heavy thoughts of the people. That’s precisely why we cannot lift them lightly.” Meanwhile, the opposition party leader powerfully declared, “This weight setting is essentially the government abandoning discussion. When we take power, we’ll carefully select more liftable voices of the people,” drawing applause from those around.

Professor Yamamoto, known as the Muscle Doctor at Toto University’s Political Science Department, highly praised this new initiative: “It’s groundbreaking in physically visualizing the weight of public opinion. It has opened new horizons for deadlift democracy.” However, rumors persist that groaning sounds can be heard nightly from his laboratory as he verifies “the correlation between lawmakers’ muscle hypertrophy and policy implementation capabilities.”

The government plans to promote this “muscle diplomacy” in international negotiations, having already sent protein and training menus to leaders of various countries. The weight of bills, the weight of the people’s voice—will the day come when our politicians truly understand and shoulder this “weight”? Will the parliament floor collapse first, or will dawn arrive? The people watch with bated breath—or rather, with sighs.

Stakeholder Comments

Ruling party executive: “We are fully aware of the people’s thoughts. Physically. This is what it means to settle down.”
Young opposition lawmaker: “Before the barbell, we should first lift the government’s heavy hips!”
Parliament basement gym barbell: “Recently, only light plates on one side—my balance is off. My axis is shaking.”
“Voice of the People” plate: “…(Too heavy to even speak)”
Parliament floor: “I’m reaching my limit. I’m creaking.”
Political commentator Mr. Tazaki: “Muscle is the new power of ’numbers.’ From now on, the party’s average bench press weight will determine seat counts.”
Personal trainer: “Lawmakers, your form is terrible. You won’t get the people’s support like that.”
Foreign media reporter: “This is the most honest parliament in the world! You can literally see what they care about.”
Taxpayer (anonymous): “Is our tax money disappearing into protein powder…?”
Muscle: “Please stop using us for politics.”