Bathroom Belting Act Passes, Prime Minister Delivers Policy Speech with Showerhead Microphone

Parliament unanimously passed the “Act on Promoting Freedom of Expression in Bathrooms and Enhancing National Power through Singing,” commonly known as the “Bathroom Belting Act,” on the 18th with an unusual unanimous vote aimed at reducing national stress and fostering national unity. Following the vote, the Prime Minister appeared at a press conference at his residence, which was staged with steam effects, holding a custom-made showerhead-shaped microphone. “Singing is national power. By realizing a society where all 100 million people belt out songs, our nation’s future will be brightly illuminated,” he declared with an echo-enhanced voice.

This law establishes an environment where citizens can sing freely in their bathrooms, and is administered by the newly established “Bathtub Ministry.” Former enka singer Kamome Namikaze, who once took the nation by storm with “Tears of the Strait,” was appointed as the ministry’s first minister. She immediately announced the launch of a subsidy program for “waterproof sheet music” and “officially certified duck-shaped metronomes” for households nationwide as the first policy measure.

Minister Namikaze tearfully told reporters, “Singing is the heart. Ducks are friends. Correct pitch and rhythm cultivate healthy patriotism.” Regarding the funding source for the subsidies, she explained, “The economic benefits generated by the pure singing voices of the people will more than cover the costs.” No specific economic model was presented.

Following the passage of the bill, public reaction was initially entirely welcoming. “#BathroomFestival” trended on social media, with active posting of people showing off their singing voices. Major karaoke manufacturers announced new features that simulate bathroom acoustics, and related markets suddenly became bustling.

However, this enthusiasm produced unexpected side effects. During evening bathing hours, particularly when popular drama theme songs were simultaneously belted out in bathrooms nationwide, water pipes across the country began to resonate. The accumulation of minute vibrations was found to be causing serious damage to aging pipes.

The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism held an emergency press conference, warning, “At this rate, the nation’s water infrastructure could collapse. This is a quiet national crisis.” Professor Sugami from the Department of Urban Infrastructure Engineering at Toto University harshly criticized the government’s poor planning, stating, “It’s basic physics that human singing voices with similar frequencies will resonate if concentrated at specific times. They should have discussed ‘vibration-resistant’ construction rather than ’earthquake-resistant’ before investing the budget in ducks.”

Taking the situation seriously, the Bathtub Ministry announced guidelines for “designating recommended singing genres by day of the week” as a countermeasure. The aim is to reduce resonance risk by distributing singing voices—enka on Monday, rock on Tuesday, and so on—but experts say this “is far from a fundamental solution.”

The slogan “Singing is national power” has now literally become a discordant sound shaking the nation’s pipes. Will the people choose beautiful voices or safe water? The government’s stopgap policies are forcing citizens to make an ultimate choice.

Stakeholder Comments

• Prime Minister: “I am convinced that singing voices—invisible assets—are the true national power of the 21st century. I’d like the water pipes to hang in there a bit more.”
• Kamome Namikaze (Bathtub Ministry Minister): “Enka vibrato and rock screams have different frequencies. This is a scientific approach. Next, I recommend jazz on Wednesday.”
• Opposition Party Leader: “We also got carried away and voted in favor, thinking ‘at least let us dream in the bathroom.’ However, the infrastructure problem is the ruling party’s responsibility.”
• Professor Sugami (Urban Infrastructure Engineering): “According to calculations, if the next trend is ballads, slow vibrations are most dangerous. Citizens should either stop singing immediately or switch to songs with BPM 180 or higher.”
• Anonymous Citizen: “The enka from next door and the death metal from upstairs are resonating through the walls—it’s hell. My mind will collapse before the water cuts off.”
• Mr. Showerhead Microphone: “My primary function is to dispense water. I nearly accidentally released hot water during the speech and it scared me. I want to go back to the bathroom soon.”
• Water Pipe Union Representative: “We’ve reached our limit. We’ve endured slightly off-key mass choruses every night. We should have the right to strike too.”
• Mr. Officially Certified Duck-Shaped Metronome: “Thanks to the subsidies, I have lots of new friends. I want everyone to liven up bath time together—Quack!”
• This Week’s Hit Song: “I never imagined my singing voice would put infrastructure at risk… This is not what I intended. Don’t the lyricist and composer share some responsibility?”
• Foreign Media Reporter: “Oh, Japan… Another law the world cannot understand. Are they planning to create a ‘Napping Angle on Tatami Law’ next?”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Beyond the steam / Prime Minister belts out / Nation trembles
• Bath songs make / Pipes groan through / Winter night
• Subsidies gone / To ducks while / Water stops
• Unanimous dream / Agreed upon by all / Water pipes
• Echo effects / National power rises / Or so it feels
• Showerhead held / Future vision spoken / Fades like foam
• Resonating / Hit songs with / Aging pipes
• Enka and rock / Sorted by genre still / Trembling won’t stop
• Singing voice or / Faucet water / Ultimate debate
• In silent / Bathrooms citizens find / Peace at last

Kanji / Chinese Characters

国会浴室熱唱法案全会一致可決 首相歌声国力熱弁 新設風呂釜省防水楽譜補助金開始 全国合唱水道管共振危機瀕

Emoji

🏛️🎤🚿🎶➡️📜✅👨‍💼🗣️💪➡️🛁🦆💰➡️👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🎤🎶➡️💧🔩🚧💥

Onomatopoeia

RUMBLE RUMBLE… (sound of Parliament shaking) SPLISH SPLASH (sound of showerhead microphone) YAY YAY! WOO WOO! (citizens cheering) QUACK QUACK! (duck chorus) CREEEEAK… CRACK… (water pipes screaming) CRASH BANG CLATTER! (signs of collapse)

SNS

• #BathroomBeltingAct
• #WantThatShowerheadMic
• #MyWaterPipesAreSinging
• #BathtubMinistryDoYourJob
• #DucksAreFriends
• #MondayIsEnkaDay
• #InfrastructureCollapseImminent
• #ToSingOrToDrinkThatIsTheQuestion
• #PrayForSuidoukan
• #JustCutTheWaterAlreadyAndBeQuiet