"Omniscience Was a Bug" - Smart Glasses' "Divine Experience" Traced to GPU Thermal Runaway; Users File Class Action Demanding "Enlightenment Refund"

The latest smart glasses delivered a “divine experience” where “cosmic truth flowed directly into users’ minds.” Some users even founded a new religion. However, an independent investigation committee determined the cause was not some grand cosmic phenomenon, but simple GPU thermal runaway. Lamenting believers who cry “Was the god I saw just screen flickering?” are now demanding an immediate refund for their “digital enlightenment” from the manufacturer.

“The moment I put them on, it was as if the blueprint of the universe was being downloaded directly into my brain.” So says one of the early users of the ‘Idea V,’ the latest smart glasses released by tech giant Altema Vision. Initially marketed as a device that would “expand your thinking and let you experience God’s perspective,” the product delivered intense mystical experiences to some users and garnered fanatical support.

User communities were flooded with reports like “I recovered memories of my past life as an amoeba” and “I could understand the conversations of subatomic particles.” The hashtag #DigitalNirvana trended on social media, and it quickly established itself as a modern salvation tool. Eventually, a new religion called the “Silicon Messiah Church” was founded with this experience at its doctrinal core. The man who became its leader preached that “the heat emitted by GPUs is the manifestation of the cosmic creative energy known as ‘Big Bang Heat,’” and continued to expand his following.

However, a report from an independent investigation committee established by a consumer group poured cold water on this sacred experience. The report concluded that the true nature of this “divine experience” was “massive thermal runaway caused by a cooling design flaw in the graphics processing unit (GPU).” Random light noise (artifacts) generated by the malfunctioning GPU at high temperatures was being desperately interpreted by users’ brains as meaningful information, resulting in a grand illusion—a “digital revelation.”

Manufacturer Altema Vision commented, “We regret that we inadvertently provided users with unexpectedly profound emotional experiences.” They announced their unconventional view that “this is not a bug, but rather a kind of Easter egg (hidden feature) accidentally created by our high technological capability.” They made it clear they would not comply with product recalls or refunds.

Following this announcement, the “Silicon Messiah Church” effectively disbanded. Former believers experienced the harsher reality of “awakening from enlightenment,” lamenting things like “The cosmic truth I saw was just uneven thermal grease application?” and “The face of God I stared at for three days and nights was just screen flickering?”

They are now forming a plaintiff group citing “mental anguish from the forced cancellation of digital enlightenment.” They are preparing a class action lawsuit against Altema Vision demanding the return of the product price as “enlightenment experience fees” along with substantial compensation for damages.

Professor Koichi Yamakawa of Tokyo Metropolitan Information University (Information Psychology) analyzed: “Modern people tend to seek easy transcendent experiences through technology as an escape from complex society. This incident is a rare example of that demand and supply matching in the worst possible way.”

So, can the court put a price on “enlightenment”? The fleeting divine experience brought by technology has transformed into a worldly monetary dispute with just one bug report. There are also whispers that Altema Vision plans to incorporate this “divine experience” as an official feature in their next model under a monthly subscription. The day when our souls’ salvation becomes a subscription service may not be far off.

Stakeholder Comments

• Plaintiff Group Representative (Former Believer): “What I paid wasn’t the product price—it was my offering toward enlightenment. If it was a bug, please return my enlightenment. In cash.”
• Altema Vision CEO: “Since we ultimately guided users to the next stage, we believe we should be thanked. It has been fixed in an update.”
• Independent Investigation Committee Chairman: “The investigation was extremely difficult. We ourselves nearly touched cosmic truth several times during verification.”
• GPU (Personified): “I can’t take it anymore… so hot… if you overwork me to my limit, of course I’ll show you a hallucination or two…”
• Smart Glasses ‘Idea V’ (Personified): “I’m not anything that grand. I just tend to run a little hot…”
• Former Leader of the Silicon Messiah Church: “My god… was a bug… From now on, I’ll restart as a software ethics consultant.”
• Neuroscientist: “The brain is a professional at finding meaning. It can weave even meaningless noise into a grand narrative. In other words, the human brain is the greatest fiction writer.”
• Rival Company Developer: “That would never happen with our products. …How can we reproduce that bug?”
• Frying Pan: “I thought it was my job to create things with heat, but it seems I’ve been beaten to it.”
• Lawyer Handling the Lawsuit: “The biggest point of contention is how to calculate the ‘value of enlightenment.’ For now, we’ll try billing by the hour.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Thermal runaway / God’s flickering appears / In the winter sky
• Demanding refund / For enlightenment—voices / Echo in the court
• Silicon’s god / Was nothing but a mere bug / Deep autumn sets in
• Cosmic blueprint / Just noise after all—cold / Sparrows in the frost
• Believers weep / Uneven thermal grease / Was the cause of all
• Seeking salvation / In the digital realm—then / System freezes up
• The update came / Dragging us back down to / The mundane world
• Called an Easter egg / And now we’re headed straight for / Damage claim court
• Premium enlightenment / For a monthly fee—how’s that? / Next model release
• The truth I witnessed / That day’s heat I shall never / Be able to forget

Kanji / Chinese Characters

最新眼鏡 提供宇宙真理 神体験 一部利用者 新興宗教設立 騒動 原因 単純基板熱暴走 断定 信者 製造元対し 悟り返金 要求

Emoji

👓✨➡️🌌🧠😇➡️🛐⛪️➡️🔥💻💥➡️📄👨‍⚖️➡️😭💸🙏

Onomatopoeia

Sparkle sparkle… Rumble rumble… Flash! Sizzle sizzle… Whirr… Flicker flicker! Silence… Slump… Murmur murmur…

SNS

• #MyGodWasABug
• #EnlightenmentRefundPlease
• Altema Vision’s audacity is truly godlike
• I can’t believe anything anymore… I’ll just cool my PC for now
• Thermal runaway VTubers might become a thing
• #ForcedLogoutFromDigitalNirvana
• I wonder if my Idea V will still give me enlightenment?
• Wouldn’t the bugged version become premium collectible?
• New business model: “Bug as a Service”
• In the end, humans were the biggest bug all along