Supernova Causes Hawaii Flight Cancellations, Airline Offers 'Wormhole Boarding Pass' as Compensation

Milky Way Airlines (MWA) announced the cancellation of all Hawaii-bound flights, citing a supernova explosion millions of light-years away. The airline explained that “spacetime distortions could cause unacceptable wobbling in the in-flight meal jelly.” Passengers seeking alternative flights are being offered “one-way tickets via wormhole” along with “cosmic ray exposure liability waivers.”

Dreams of tropical paradise were shattered by the death throes of a star emitted millions of years ago. The reason for all Hawaii flight cancellations announced by Milky Way Airlines (MWA) on the morning of the 16th literally exceeded the comprehension of most passengers. According to the company, “gravitational waves accompanying the explosion of supernova SN2025X in the constellation Ophiuchus are generating unpredictable micro-vibrations in the spacetime continuum over the Pacific route.”

At a press conference, Jigen Suzuki, the company’s Risk Management Division Head, stated, “The mango jelly served as part of our in-flight meals maintains its jiggly texture through an extremely delicate quantum state. If the gravitational waves were to collapse that structure and cause it to exhibit non-Newtonian fluid behavior, it could potentially cause discomfort to our passengers.” He emphasized that the decision prioritized customer satisfaction above all else. This marks the first time in history that an international flight has been cancelled due to dessert texture rather than aircraft safety concerns.

The compensation plan offered by the company in response to this unprecedented situation has caused further confusion. Instead of regular airline tickets, passengers requesting alternative flights were issued something called a “Wormhole Boarding Pass.” The notes read: “Destination: Hawaii (or the coordinates with the highest probability of spacetime proximity)” and “Travel time: 5 minutes subjectively, objectively indeterminate” – effectively making it a one-way ticket.

Boarding requires signing a “Liability Waiver for Cosmic Ray Exposure and Causality Reversal Risks.” Ms. Tanaka (32), who was planning to hold her wedding in Honolulu, lamented, “Forget making it to the ceremony on time – who can take the risk of potentially meeting their past self? When I asked if I could earn miles, they told me with a straight face, ‘Points that transcend spacetime are currently under development.’”

Regarding this measure, Professor Kosoku Sato of Toto University’s Astrophysics Research Institute commented, “The impact of a supernova explosion on jelly jiggliness is non-trivial in current science. MWA’s decision could be called a groundbreaking case of applying the precautionary principle on a cosmic scale,” while tilting his head with some understanding.

Meanwhile, the Consumer Affairs Agency has launched an investigation, stating that “wormholes may constitute ‘misleading representation of advantages’ under the Act against Unjustifiable Premiums and Misleading Representations.” The Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism is taking a wait-and-see approach, stating “the jurisdiction of spacetime is outside our scope of duties.” Competing airlines have simultaneously launched campaigns declaring “Rest assured, our jelly is anti-gravity coated,” scrambling to capture customers.

In this incident where the grand workings of the universe have become strangely linked to the customer service of a single earthly company, the road to Hawaii has become more uncertain than ever. Passengers are now forced to choose between requesting a refund or betting on the ultimate option of spacetime travel.

Stakeholder Comments

• Passenger Tanaka: “I want to avoid getting lost in spacetime on my honeymoon. For now, my wife and I have signed an agreement that we won’t cheat even if we go back in time.”
• Milky Way Airlines CEO: “Our mission is to safely transport our customers to their destinations. That is no exception when it comes to in-flight meal jelly.”
• Jigen Suzuki (Risk Management Division): “The jiggliness of jelly is a quantum risk that could shake the very existence of our company. We ask for your understanding.”
• Professor Kosoku Sato (Astrophysics): “Fascinating. If we could calculate the redshift observed at the wormhole exit, we could estimate the travel time…”
• The Mango Jelly: “I’m used to being shaken, but spacetime distortion? That wasn’t in my contract. Jiggle jiggle.”
• Supernova SN2025X: “I just exploded millions of years ago, and now I’m getting complaints? Stars have privacy too.”
• The Wormhole: “Don’t suddenly call me a regular service. Is it okay if the toll is paid in miles?”
• Cosmic Rays: “We are always everywhere. The liability waiver is a good idea.”
• Competing Airline PR Representative: “Since our founding, we have carefully selected only routes with stable spacetime.”
• Local Hawaii Hotel Manager: “Whether our guests come from the future or the past, we welcome them with the spirit of aloha. However, accommodation fees will be charged at current rates.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Star explodes afar / Jelly wobbles on the tray / Hawaii flight grounded
• Crossing spacetime now / Aloha feels so distant / Waiver in my hand
• Wormhole ticket here / One-way pass to who knows where / Winter sky awaits
• Mango’s destiny / Hangs upon the gravity / Waves from distant stars
• Cancellation’s cause / So grandiose and absurd / Edge of universe
• Reading waivers long / Lost in cosmic paperwork / Stranded traveler
• Jiggle jiggle goes / Spacetime bending with dessert / Quantum cuisine served
• Millions of light-years / Become the perfect excuse / Journey disappears
• Alternative flight / Next time we meet you might be / From the future’s shore
• Ticket clutched in hand / Causality or refund / The traveler’s choice

Kanji / Chinese Characters

天川航空 数百万光年先 超新星爆発理由 全便欠航発表 時空歪 機内食 許容範囲外 揺 恐 代替便 要求乗客 片道切符 宇宙線被曝 免責同意書

Emoji

✈️➡️🌋(🏝️) 🚫 💥☄️…🍮…⏱️🌌…➡️🕳️🎫✍️📜

Onomatopoeia

RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE…KABOOM!…wobble wobble wobble…WARP~… MURMUR MURMUR…“WHAAAAT?!”…RUSTLE…scribble scribble (signing)…WHOOOOSH!

SNS

• #MilkyWayAirlinesExcuseIsOutOfThisWorld
• Won’t someone think of the jelly’s feelings?
• #HawaiiViaWormhole
• Maybe I’ll get younger from cosmic ray exposure
• Refund or spacetime travel, that is the question
• #ProtectTheDiginityOfInFlightMeals
• I want to read the full text of that liability waiver
• Curious about the competitor’s anti-gravity jelly
• Hawaii is so far…both physically and conceptually
• #CustomerSatisfactionInflation