"Human Rights" Subscription Launches at $5/Month. Basic Plan Includes "Right to Breathe," Premium Unlocks "Freedom of Thought"

Tech giant GooGull has announced “MyRights,” a subscription service for all humanity. The $5/month “Basic Plan” guarantees “the right to breathe” and “sleep once a week.” If payment is delayed by 3 days, your social ID is frozen—a feature users are praising as “highly transparent with clear penalties.”

At the press conference, CEO Satya Nadella III declared, “We are liberating human rights from monopoly, aiming for a world where everyone can customize their rights to fit their lifestyle.” He emphasized that by centrally managing previously unconsciously exercised “stray human rights” in the cloud, they will provide a stable “Human Experience.” This innovative service is expected to put an end to the “rights inflation” plaguing modern society.

Pricing plans are segmented to meet user needs. The most affordable “Basic Plan” ($5/month) guarantees “breathing rights” essential for life support and minimal rest. Upgrading to the $20/month “Standard Plan” adds “the right to three meals a day” and “freedom of positive emotional expression.”

Furthermore, the $100/month “Premium Plan” unlocks the long-awaited “freedom of thought.” However, thought content is monitored in real-time by the company’s ethics AI, and thoughts that violate community guidelines are automatically optimized. A representative proudly states, “It’s a safety feature to protect users from inappropriate thoughts.” The top-tier “Platinum Plan” ($500/month) includes all these rights plus a 24/7 “Human Rights Concierge.”

This service is fully integrated with the digital ID “G-ID” mandated for all citizens. When payments fall behind, the load on the lungs during breathing gradually increases. After a 3-day grace period, the G-ID is frozen, restricting all social activities from public transportation to grocery shopping.

Kiyotaka Kato, Fellow at the Market Economy Research Institute, praised the service: “This is a groundbreaking attempt to put a price on human rights, which were previously not subject to cost awareness. It’s an extremely fair resource allocation based on the principles of supply and demand.” Meanwhile, the World Human Rights Watch Organization (HRWO) issued a somewhat off-point improvement request, stating, “The gap between plans may create inequality in self-actualization opportunities. A trial version of ’the right to dream’ should be added to the Basic Plan.”

On social media, hashtags like “#BreathingFees” and “#WaitingToUnlockThought” are trending. Positive opinions based on self-responsibility are prominent, such as “Proud of myself for being able to pay” and “This will eliminate people who don’t work hard.”

GooGull issued a statement: “This is not a deprivation of rights, but rather an infrastructure that guarantees stable exercise of rights. We are committed to the sustainable happiness of humanity.” The company’s stock price hit the daily limit up after the announcement. Has humanity truly entered a glorious new era where they prove their worth through monthly fees?

Stakeholder Comments

• CEO Satya Nadella III: “By providing human rights as a service, we are empowering humanity to the next stage.”
• Basic Plan User (20s): “When I feel short of breath, I remember to pay. It’s also good for health management—killing two birds with one stone.”
• Premium Plan Subscriber (40s): “Since unlocking freedom of thought, my statements in meetings have become razor-sharp. Worth the $100/month.”
• Fellow Kato, Market Economy Research Institute: “Perfect. Now even the phrase ‘invisible like air’ will become a paid compliment.”
• HRWO Representative: “We would also like the right to view inspiration porn to be considered as an option.”
• Man Behind on Payments (30s): “Wheeze… I’ll… wheeze… go raise… funds…”
• Air: “So I finally have a price tag. How moving.”
• Spirit of Capitalism: “Another step closer to my ideal realized.”
• Social ID: “When payment stops, I stop too. We are one.”
• Free Will (concept): “I’ve been feeling cramped lately…”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Breathing too / Subscription due / End of month
• Unlock awaits / Thoughts in the cold / Winter night
• If you pay / You can be free / This bitter cold
• Late on bills / Sky grows narrow / Autumn dusk
• Five dollars / Clutched to buy / Tomorrow’s breath
• Frozen ID / Looking up pondering / My own worth
• Payment cut / Even dreams turn / Monochrome
• Premium / Thoughts clear and blue / Crystal sky
• Human rights / Price tag observed / New Year’s bell
• Short of breath / Pocket searched for / Coins within

Kanji / Chinese Characters

大手IT社 全人類向定額課金発表 月額五百円 呼吸権利 週一睡眠保証 支払三日遅延 社会的ID凍結 利用者 透明性高 好評

Emoji

🏢💻➡️👤🌐➡️💳💰➡️🔓😮‍💨🧠🛌

Onomatopoeia

Click… (app launch sound) Inhale, exhale… (Basic Plan breathing) Ding! (upgrade notification) Sparkle sparkle… (freedom of thought unlock) Buzz buzz! (payment delay warning) Wheeze… wheeze… (breathing just before ID freeze) Clang! (social ID frozen)

SNS

• #MyRights
• #StartedBreathingFees
• Went Premium! Now I can think freely!
• Forgot to pay, feeling short of breath rn
• #BasicPlanPeasants
• Curious what premium plan people are thinking
• Human rights are now a status symbol…
• #HoldYourBreathChallenge
• The era of begging parents for rights plan upgrades
• #ThankYouGooGull