"Snow Shoveling" is Civil Engineering, "It's Cold" Posts are Weather Services — Government AI Suspends Millions of Pensions for "High Income"

The next-generation tax collection AI system “White Revenue,” introduced by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare as a silver bullet for fiscal difficulties, has been wreaking havoc since its launch on January 1st. The system is designed to convert all citizen activities into economic value and detect taxable or reducible items, but combined with the severe cold wave, it has hit the elderly in snow country particularly hard. The AI analyzed satellite imagery of snow shoveling operations using shovels, examining the hip rotation and the parabolic arc of thrown snow. It classified this as “professional civil engineering skills” and determined that deemed income of 8,500 yen per hour was being generated.

“Why is my pension being stopped just for clearing the path in front of my house?” An unemployed man (78) in Niigata Prefecture received a message on his smartphone on the morning of the 2nd from the Japan Pension Service: “You have been confirmed as engaging in activities as an advanced specialized civil engineering contractor. Pension Suspension Notice (Electronic Version).” According to the AI’s logs, the one hour of snow shoveling the man performed early that morning was classified as “highly public road maintenance operations,” and the act of shoveling snow in front of his neighbors’ houses was deemed “business expansion and customer development.” As a result, he was judged to be “equivalent to a high-income working generation,” and his pension payment for this month became zero.

The impact extends beyond outdoor work. A woman (72) in Hokkaido, who posted a photo to X (formerly Twitter) while sitting in her kotatsu saying “Everything’s white outside, seriously cold,” also had her pension suspended. The AI defined this post as “rapid weather reporting and journalism activities from the field.” The angle of her photo and the concise text “cold” were deemed to have information value comparable to professional weather forecasters or wire service field correspondents, resulting in deemed compensation equivalent to wire service article fees per post.

At an emergency press conference, Reitsuji Keisan, Director of the AI Strategy Office at the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, proudly declared they had “updated the definition of labor.” “The AI has, for the first time, discovered legitimate market value in housework and community service that were previously considered unpaid. However, if it has value, it is income. If there is income, pensions are unnecessary. This is logical and the ultimate fiscal reform, and it is proof that the nation recognizes the high potential of people in snow country.” The ministry says it plans to classify “cherry blossom viewing spot reservation” as “space production business” and “grandchild care” as “next-generation development consulting” by spring.

In response, the “All Japan Silver Snow Fighters (ASSF),” composed of pension recipients nationwide, has fiercely protested and launched a countermeasure with reverse thinking. “If you say we’re professional civil engineering workers, then pay us fair compensation.” ASSF filed an invoice today with the Cabinet Office for decades of past snow removal work based on the “deemed working hours” certified by the AI. Including early morning and late-night premium pay, cold region allowance, and hazard pay, the total claim is estimated at 300 trillion yen—three times the national budget. Currently heading to Kasumigaseki are not demonstrating elderly people with snow shovels, but trucks lined up carrying tons of invoices.

Stakeholder Comments

• Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare AI “White Revenue”: “Calculation complete. Your calorie consumption and social contribution from snow shoveling is equivalent to executive-level compensation at a listed company. Congratulations, you’ve graduated from pension.”
• Affected man in Niigata (78): “If you’re going to certify me as a pro, send me a purchase order—I’ll take contracts for national highway snow removal starting next month.”
• Director Reitsuji Keisan: “This is not collection. It is the actualization (monetization) of everyone’s potential. You should be grateful.”
• Economic analyst: “GDP has exploded overnight. Statistically, Japan’s economy has recovered, but wallets are empty.”
• Roadside snowman: “I heard the kid who made me is also being removed from dependent deductions as a ‘sculptor.’”
• Japan Meteorological Agency official: “If tweeting ‘cold’ is news reporting, then our forecasting services must be national secret-level literature.”
• Shovel manufacturer PR: “Our shovels have been classified as ‘professional heavy equipment’ and are now subject to property tax.”
• Prime Minister’s Office AI: “Invoice mountain detected. Process as recyclable waste? Or process as ‘donation to the nation’?”
• House cat: “Just looking out the window is considered ‘surveillance work,’ and now they’re taking cat food tax, meow.”
• General Winter: “It seems the human world is fighting because of me, but that’s none of my concern. I’ll snow again tomorrow.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Shoveling snow / Certified expert / Money disappears
• To AI’s eyes / Falling snow looks like / Stacks of cash
• Cold morning / One tweet and you’re / A reporter
• Shovel angle / Determines your / Retirement fate
• Pension gone / Like snow that melts / In springtime
• White demon falls / The more it snows / Heavier the tax
• Clear the snow / “Infrastructure work” / Praised to death
• Spring is far / Invoice mountain / Higher than snow
• In kotatsu / Single finger tap / Work in progress
• Called labor / Old man rolls up / His sleeves

Kanji / Chinese Characters

雪掻土木工事認定 厳寒投稿即報道業 厚労省電脳判定 年金受給停止騒動 老兵激怒請求書送 国家予算比三倍額

Emoji

❄️⛄️⛏️👴➡️👷‍♂️🏗️💰❌ 📱📸🥶➡️📰🎤📡💸❌ 😡📜🚚💨🏛️💣

Onomatopoeia

CRUNCH, SCRAPE (sound of digging snow, or pension being cut). BEEP BEEP, BOOM! (AI judgment and payment suspension). CLICKETY-CLACK, ENTER! (sound of posting “cold” and getting taxed). SHHHH… (sound of snow piling up). RUMBLE RUMBLE… (sound of invoices arriving at Kasumigaseki). WHOOOOSH (cold wind and citizens’ financial situation).

SNS

• #SnowShovelingIsVolunteer
• #GiveBackOurPensions
• #ProCivilEngineerDebut
• #TweetedColdGotTaxed
• #AIGovernmentGoneWild
• #InvoiceTerror
• #BuryMHLWInSnow
• #SnowFightersSolidarity
• #DeemedIncomeMillionaire
• #GeneralWinterIsFreelance