Allies to Build 'Anti-Alien Influencer Interception Network' with Defense Budget, Firing 'Likes' Instead of Missiles

On the 25th, the Allied government announced the outline of a new national defense strategy, “Operation Narcissus.” This is because recent space observations have predicted that contact from extraterrestrial life will begin not with physical attacks, but with the relentless transmission of self-promotion videos. To counter this, a defense budget totaling 3 trillion yen will be invested to build an interception network that satisfies the hostile aliens’ desire for approval through a saturation attack of “likes” and “thumbs-ups,” causing them to lose their will to fight (and return home satisfied).

At the heart of the newly established “Strategic Praise Command” is a massive data center constructed deep underground in a desert region. Here, weak radio waves incoming from deep space are analyzed to identify if they are “mysterious dances currently trending in the galaxy” or “videos of space cats waking up.” Instantly, a “Ballistic Approval Missile” system goes into operation, showering them with positive comments and heart emojis from hundreds of millions of accounts. A high-ranking government official emphasized at a press conference, “What the enemy wants is not territory. It is followers. If we give them that, they lose the need to conquer Earth.”

However, behind this groundbreaking peacekeeping operation, the frontline soldiers are crying out under harsh working conditions. This is because automated “likes” by AI risk being detected as “soul-less” by highly civilized aliens, meaning that the final tapping actions rely entirely on the manual labor of hand-selected elite personnel. On a 24-hour, three-shift schedule, they perform the task of rapidly typing praise vocabulary such as “precious,” “god tier,” and “literally dying, please stop” toward tentacled creatures on screens. As a result, severe tendonitis and dry eyes have become rampant in the unit. The orthopedic ward of the military hospital is said to resemble a field hospital, filled with soldiers who have overworked their thumbs.

Furthermore, military analysts have raised concerns about the “inflation of the desire for approval.” It cannot be ruled out that after receiving explosive praise from Earth, the aliens might send escalated videos in pursuit of more viral engagement (for example, a “diving into a black hole challenge”). “Praise is a drug. Once you give it to them, they will return with more extreme content.” While one behavioral psychologist warns of this, the government maintains its stance of seeking a soft-power solution, stating, “If that happens, we will deploy interception satellites with a ‘donation’ function.”

Will “flattery,” rather than weapons, become the shield that protects Earth for the first time in human history? Or will we end up raising a galaxy-scale approval-seeking monster? The massive budget of the Allies now rests on the tips of countless fingers tapping on smartphone screens.

Stakeholder Comments

• Commander: “Don’t fire, praise them! Keep shooting hearts until their self-esteem is fully loaded!”
• Frontline Soldier (Recovering from tendonitis): “I never thought I would practice doing ‘finger hearts’ this much just to protect my country.”
• Military Doctor: “The biggest enemy in modern warfare is not artillery shells, but smartphone elbow and text neck.”
• Opposition MP: “It is deplorable that citizens’ tax money is disappearing into donations for a squid-like alien’s ‘morning routine video’.”
• Astro-sociologist: “They are lonely too, crying out ’look at me’ from a corner of the galaxy. In a way, they are no different from us.”
• Smartphone Manufacturer PR: “We received an order for military-spec ultra-durable displays. They can withstand rapid tapping intense enough to wear off fingerprints.”
• Anonymous Elite Soldier: “To be honest, the enemy’s dance is kind of catchy. Yesterday, I almost accidentally shared it on my private account.”
• Chiropractor: “I am massaging shoulder stiffness that is practically a national secret. It’s no exaggeration to say the fate of the Earth depends on my treatment.”
• AI Ethics Committee: “Teaching AI ‘flattery’ is a serious issue concerning human dignity.”
• UFO (Via translation device): “Earthlings are easy. Send more likes. Next, I’ll post a video of me eating a super-spicy comet.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Shadows from space dance / seeking approval and likes / on the glowing screen
• Defending the land / with a single hyper thumb / painful tendonitis
• Interception calls / not for heavy missile strikes / but for shooting hearts
• Going viral now / at the edge of galaxy / greed for validation
• Trillions in budget / spent to purchase a warm smile / from a distant star
• Tapping fingertips / soldiers weaving global peace / through a mobile phone
• Hostile alien / returns home fully content / under the spring sky
• Watching foreign dance / sending praise in rapid fire / on the front defense
• Echoes of the tips / cash is falling far and wide / in the sea of stars
• Smell of pain patches / drifting in the barracks air / cold night at the base

Kanji / Chinese Characters

同盟国新戦略発表 宇宙承認欲求迎撃 指先連打腱鞘炎多発 兆円予算対動画投下

Emoji

👽💃🎥📡💓👍🇺🇸🏥💸🤳

Onomatopoeia

Tap, tap, tap, tap… Zwoosh! (Heart launch sound) Ping! (Notification sound) Click, click, click! Yeeaaaaah! (Roar of praise) Throb, throb (Pain in fingers)

SNS

• #AlienInfluencerInterceptInProgress
• Waste of tax money or the price of peace? Debate heats up
• A certain nation’s military adds “proficiency in smartphone operation” to recruitment requirements lol
• My fingers are on fire (literally in pain)
• The alien’s dance videos are actually surprisingly high quality, lmao
• Sending them home satisfied by filling their desire for approval is a way too modern solution
• #TendonitisIsABadgeOfHonor
• Theory: Mental attacks are more effective than physical attacks
• The tip-donation defense budget is higher than my salary
• Manual leaked for dealing with a galaxy-level attention seeker?