Government

National Tax Agency Classifies Dieting as 'Asset Concealment': Gym Users Face Mass Tax Evasion Raids

"Body fat is the nation's strategic energy reserve." Under the new law, weight loss is now considered intentional asset disposal (tax evasion). Late-night jogging is monitored as "shadow incineration," and saunas are flagged as "illegal depletion operations." Today, a major fitness club in Tokyo was raided as a "large-scale tax evasion guidance facility," and protein users were detained on suspicion of evidence destruction.

2026-02-01

Translations: JA

Social Lab

Government Lures FIRE Retirees Back to Work with 'Planet Naming Rights.' Full-Time Work Could Spawn 'Ex-Manager' Stars in Our Solar System

As a last resort against labor shortages, the government has unveiled an extraordinary re-employment package for early retirees: the right to name a newly discovered planet in exchange for five days of full-time work per week. One recruited former consultant beamed, 'My new purpose in life is naming a planet after my old boss and praying for daily asteroid strikes.'

2026-01-08

Translations: JA

Social Lab

Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

As a counter-espionage measure, the government has implemented a 'Buzzword Security Patch' that automatically replaces all statements with the latest trendy words and corporate jargon across all conference rooms. After implementation, chambers now echo only with phrases like 'That's some intense synergy' and 'Seriously agenda vibes,' with no one able to utter any specific nouns. The official in charge proudly declared, 'The protection of classified information is complete. After all, no one understands the content anyway.'

2025-12-22

Translations: JA

Tech Future Lab

"Likes" Worth Your Life: Government Turns Dangerous Cliffs into Gacha-Based Photo Spots. Grand Prize: "Immediate Drone Rescue"

In response to recurring social media backlash after falling accidents, the government has delivered its final answer: opening dangerous cliffs as paid "Insta-worthy Gacha Cliffs." Purchase an admission ticket (with life insurance included) and shoot from the cliff edge. Additional paid gacha offers prizes like "stylish helmets" and "drones for the perfect shot." Note: rescue team arrival time varies by plan.

2025-11-05

Translations: JA

Social Lab

"Space Fan" Solution for Air Pollution: Government Allocates Entire National Budget to Remote Control Asteroids

The government announced on the 14th a plan to use asteroids as "space fans" to eliminate domestic smog. The minister in charge appeared at a press conference holding a giant remote control, smiling and explaining, "Operation is simple. 'Low' creates a gentle breeze, 'Turbo' can generate a typhoon." Unconfirmed reports suggest that the first operational test caused all laundry from a neighboring country to fly across the border.

2025-10-12

Translations: JA

Social Lab

Government Begins Taxing 'Shade', Market in Chaos with 'Tree Shade Quality Certification' System

In response to the heat wave, the government has introduced a 'shade tax' as a new revenue source. Certified appraisers patrol residential gardens with photometers, grading shadows as 'Premium Oak' or 'Standard Maple'. Unregulated 'weed shadows' are already circulating on the black market, making tax-evading shade a social issue.

2025-09-05

Translations: JA

Money Maze

"Somen Police" Established, Man Arrested for Topping Noodles with Coriander

To maintain order at summer dining tables, the government has established the "Special Noodle Culture Protection Squad," commonly known as the "Somen Police." On their first day of operations, a man who used tapioca pearls and coriander as condiments was arrested for violating the Cultural Protection Act. The squad leader tearfully stated, "Mentsuyu is the only justice. We are the last bastion of food culture."

2025-09-02

Translations: JA

Social Lab

National Stress Measurement Day: Results Heavily Redacted

Government Declares Information Shortage, to Distribute Conspiracy Theories Weekly

In the name of resolving 'information imbalance,' the government announces it will distribute conspiracy theories weekly based on the basic resident registry. On social media, concerns about the value collapse of distributed goods are already emerging, with users claiming 'the moment the government certifies a conspiracy, it's no longer a conspiracy.'

2025-06-30

Translations: JA

Social Lab