AI Says 'Bipedal Locomotion Impossible With This Muscle Mass': 10,000 Marathon Participants Placed Under Emergency Protection as 'Unknown Soft-Bodied Creatures'
An AI skeletal scanning system introduced at a citizen marathon determined that participants' catastrophic lack of exercise was an emergency condition. Concluding that 'it is physically impossible to stand upright with this level of muscle deterioration,' the AI placed 10,000 runners under emergency protective custody before the race even began. Office workers being carried away on stretchers in the latest thick-soled carbon running shoes tearfully insisted they were human, saying 'We just came back from remote work.'
