A-List Celebrity Couple Outsources All Private Conversation to Screenwriters; Fights Require Three Retakes

It was revealed on the 11th that actor Leo Jinguji (48) and actress Layla Shiratori (42) outsource all their private daily conversations to a professional team of screenwriters. This bizarre arrangement stems from the couple’s insatiable desire to “live a top-quality drama 24/7/365.” However, it has turned their household into a constantly tense film set, causing a stir both inside and outside the entertainment industry.

According to sources, a total of 12 screenwriters are stationed at the couple’s residence, divided into the “Living Room Team,” “Bedroom Team,” and “Bathroom/Kitchen Team.” Working in shifts to provide 24-hour coverage, they supply dialogue for every single action the couple takes. For example, even a simple morning “Good morning” is written as a lengthy, Shakespearean soliloquy every morning, taking into account the day’s weather, the couple’s biorhythms, and even global affairs. The delivered scripts are displayed in real-time on tablet devices, and the couple begins their day by reading them with rich emotion.

They put particular effort into their marital arguments. To prevent their conflicts from becoming cliché, they invite guest writers such as Naoki Prize-winning authors and legendary playwrights. A grand structure is plotted, starting from a trivial trigger—like a sock left inside out—and escalating into past affair allegations and existentialist questioning. However, in their pursuit of realism, Mr. Jinguji’s angry acting frequently receives negative feedback from the live-in director for reasons like “weak foreshadowing payoff” or “shallow emotional layers.” In a recent argument, they went through 14 takes for the line “Get out!” leaving Ms. Shiratori on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion.

For routine negotiations like dividing up the trash duty, a famous courtroom mystery novelist was put in charge. It is not uncommon for the couple to spend four hours on a conversation just to decide who goes to the garbage collection site, setting logical traps for one another. As a result, the couple often misses the trash collection deadline, leaving trash bags piled up in their home, treated as “unsolved cases.”

Complaints from neighbors are also severe. “At 2:00 AM, I hear screams of ‘You’re always like this! You hyena devouring my soul!’ followed immediately by a shout of ‘Cut! Wonderful!’ and applause from the staff,” says an exhausted man living in the same apartment building. The building management association is discussing potential violations of the regulations, but the couple read aloud a rebuttal script arguing, “This is not living; it is an artistic activity, a performance that increases the asset value of the building,” leaving the discussion at a complete standstill.

Experts analyze this “complete outsourcing of daily life” as “a type of modern pathology where the obsession with self-presentation has reached its extreme.” For a couple who has transcended method acting to the point where the performance is the primary reality, a scriptless silence is likely the most terrifying “dead air” (broadcast accident) imaginable. Next week, a new arc depicting their impending divorce, titled “Goodbye is Not the Word for Parting,” is scheduled to begin—which is, of course, a fully written work of fiction.

Comments from Involved Parties

• Leo Jinguji: “My life is a feature-length film; ad-libs are just noise. Though I must admit, requesting permission from a writer just to use the restroom is a bit of a hassle.”
• Layla Shiratori: “Did you see my tears yesterday? I shed a single tear from my left eye, exactly as specified in the script’s stage directions. It was an Oscar-grade breakfast scene.”
• Chief Screenwriter: “The hardest part is writing ‘sneezes.’ We struggle to give dramatic meaning to physiological phenomena. Yesterday, we received an instruction for ‘a sneeze that distorts space-time.’”
• Guest Mystery Novelist: “Just for the scene of searching for the culprit who ate the pudding in the refrigerator, I was made to write enough manuscript to fill two paperback books. That house is insane.”
• Rookie Assistant Director: “Even while they are sleeping, a poet in charge of ‘sleep-talking’ stands by their bedside. It’s absurd.”
• Neighbor A: “If it were a normal marital spat, I would call the police. I hate myself for getting so engrossed in how good their dialogue is.”
• Delivery Person: “All I needed was a signature, but they interrogated me for five minutes: ‘What if this seal is a contract that changes your destiny?’ I never want to go back there.”
• Pet Dog (Inner Voice): “Woof (barking according to the script is exhausting).”
• Divorce Lawyer: “Their divorce papers will likely be written by a ghostwriter as well. Setting aside whether it has legal force, it will certainly be a compelling read.”
• AI Script Generation Software: “According to my calculations, the probability of them returning to their ’natural selves’ is 0.0001%.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Even their fights / follow the script / late spring evening
• Courtroom drama / to settle the rights / of taking out trash
• Shouts of ‘retake’ / echoing loud / under the night moon
• Screenwriter / in the bedroom / weaving their love
• Acting out roles / just to maintain / the marriage’s form
• Beautiful fake tears / falling on / a cold morning
• Ad-libs forbidden / in this house of dolls / spring day’s rules
• Even a sock / becomes foreshadowing / in this drama
• Applause erupts / in the midnight living room / spring tempest
• The natural face / even in the mirror / is long forgotten

Kanji / Chinese Characters

俳優夫婦全会話外注 喧嘩再撮参回地獄 日常推敲極限品質 朝挨拶独白調感動 塵出担当作家懸念 近隣苦情殺到不眠

Emoji

🎭🏠✍️📝➡️🗣️🤬🎬🔄🛑👏😫🗑️🕵️‍♂️📜⚖️💤🚫

Onomatopoeia

Nagging, clack! (clapperboard) Clap, clap, clap (staff applause) Click-clack click-clack (writers typing) Silence… “Cut!” Boom! (sound effect) Whisper whisper (meeting) Rustle (flipping script pages) Sob, sob… (acting crying) Ahem (clearing throat) Swoosh (discarding draft pages)

SNS

• #OutsourcingPrivateLife
• Their fights are so emotional I’m crying, but it’s a public nuisance lol
• The Jingujis’ trash suspense drama—who is the culprit?
• #RetakeHell
• 12 screenwriters living with you? What kind of royalty is this?
• Zero natural conversation? Wouldn’t an AI be fine at this point?
• Are they the ultimate actors, or just insane?
• I want to see the battle between the apartment management and the director
• #MindfulLiving (with a script)
• Looking forward to the next episode: “Divorce”