Condolences as Super Chats, Sutras as Remixes: The Heaven and Hell Depicted by the Influencer Funeral 'Last Engagement'

Condolences as Super Chats, Sutras as Remixes: The Heaven and Hell Depicted by the Influencer Funeral 'Last Engagement'

'This is the true last live.' At an influencer's funeral held at an undisclosed location in Tokyo on the 23rd, pre-scheduled tweets synchronized with the chanting of sutras, and the line for burning incense turned into a 'merch waiting line.' As 'Please subscribe to my channel' played during the departure of the coffin, the bereaved family continuously held up QR codes with no time to wipe their tears.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Ministry of Foreign Affairs Designates Commuter Trains as 'Evacuation Advisory' Zones: 'Hide Your GPUs with Stacks of Cash'

Ministry of Foreign Affairs Designates Commuter Trains as 'Evacuation Advisory' Zones: 'Hide Your GPUs with Stacks of Cash'

The AI bubble has caused graphics card prices to skyrocket, turning the Yamanote Line into a 'conflict zone for high-level computing resources.' The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has instructed gaming PC owners to immediately cover their equipment with 'relatively low-value dummies' such as 'stacks of cash' or 'gold bars' to deceive robbers' eyes. They are urging maximum vigilance, warning that 'carrying a bare RTX 5090 is tantamount to walking naked on a battlefield.'

Translations: JA
Money Maze
Zero-Degree Viewing Angle 'Invisible Even to You' Privacy Film Becomes a Massive Hit. SNS Fatigue Completely Cured by the Empty Face Reflected on the Screen

Zero-Degree Viewing Angle 'Invisible Even to You' Privacy Film Becomes a Massive Hit. SNS Fatigue Completely Cured by the Empty Face Reflected on the Screen

As a result of pursuing 'not being seen by anyone,' a smartphone film invisible even from the front was born. The only thing reflected on the inoperable pitch-black screen is your own figure continually swiping with a half-open mouth. Flooded with rave reviews like 'I came to my senses' and 'It was the reality I wanted to peek at the least,' the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare is considering insurance coverage as a silver bullet for smartphone addiction.

Translations: JA
Daily Surprise
'Enjo' (Flaming) Becomes Intangible Cultural Heritage: The Stylistic Beauty of the Toxic Reply Prefix 'Excuse me from outside your followers'

'Enjo' (Flaming) Becomes Intangible Cultural Heritage: The Stylistic Beauty of the Toxic Reply Prefix 'Excuse me from outside your followers'

UNESCO announced on the 23rd that it has registered the Japanese social media collective ritual 'Enjo' (Flaming) as an Intangible Cultural Heritage. The coordinated teamwork where completely unrelated strangers simultaneously feign righteous indignation, and the high tension of the boilerplate phrase 'Excuse me from outside your followers'—which acts as a bow before an attack—were highly evaluated. Accompanying this, the government will designate toxic replies as 'Digital Important Cultural Properties,' introducing a new system where the Agency for Cultural Affairs forcibly restores and preserves posts if the poster feels ashamed and tries to delete them.

Translations: JA
Culture Kaleidoscope
New Shelter Implements 'Factorization' to Unlock Door; Survival Rate in Evacuation Drill is 0%

New Shelter Implements 'Factorization' to Unlock Door; Survival Rate in Evacuation Drill is 0%

The developer boasts, 'Fools who panic are unnecessary for reconstruction.' In a public evacuation drill held on the 6th, a hellish scene unfolded as participants tried to solve mathematical formulas in front of the door amidst blaring sirens, only to be wiped out due to calculation errors. Incidentally, the only one who succeeded in entering was a stray cat that stepped on the keypad at random.

Translations: JA
Tech Future Lab
"Eels Should Return to Their Home Star": Master Director Weeps Pointing at Nebula. Fisheries Agency Responds Calmly: "Apply for a Passport First"

"Eels Should Return to Their Home Star": Master Director Weeps Pointing at Nebula. Fisheries Agency Responds Calmly: "Apply for a Passport First"

An Academy Award-winning director declared a nebula captured by the latest telescope to be the "true home of eels" and announced the production of a sci-fi blockbuster to send all eels there in a spaceship. However, when he applied to the Fisheries Agency for permission to transport living organisms out of the country, it was rejected for the unprecedented reason that "extraterrestrial locations are outside our jurisdiction, and they don't have passports to begin with." The magnificent plan has already hit a snag.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Rookie AD Devours Boss; Labor Standards Office Rules It 'Meal Break Accident' - Dark Clouds Over TV Industry's 'Summoning Recruitment'

Rookie AD Devours Boss; Labor Standards Office Rules It 'Meal Break Accident' - Dark Clouds Over TV Industry's 'Summoning Recruitment'

Facing severe labor shortages, TV stations have begun 'summoning recruitment' from the Demon Realm. While Demon Realm ADs work 24 hours without sleep or rest, a side effect of attacking bosses when hungry has been discovered. As a preventative measure, the station mandated managers carry 'Emergency Escape Holy Water,' but recommends using tap water to cut costs.

Translations: JA
Otherworld Pocket
Shock in the Selfie Community: 'Class 1 Tank Top License' Revoked due to Shiny Biceps Blinding Oncoming Traffic

Shock in the Selfie Community: 'Class 1 Tank Top License' Revoked due to Shiny Biceps Blinding Oncoming Traffic

"The desire for recognition has exceeded the legal limit." On the 8th, authorities issued an administrative order banning the influencer in question from exposing his upper arms on public roads. This was due to incidents where his pumped-up veins were mistaken for road maps, causing Uber Eats delivery workers to get lost. He will now be required to wear long sleeves as a corrective measure and is prohibited from possessing mirrors.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Executives Suspected of Disappearance Amid Bridge Crack Neglect: Company Claims "Not Fleeing, Just Emergency Mental Care with A5 Rank Wagyu Beef"

Executives Suspected of Disappearance Amid Bridge Crack Neglect: Company Claims "Not Fleeing, Just Emergency Mental Care with A5 Rank Wagyu Beef"

Executives of a construction company who disappeared from a site at risk of collapse held a press conference three days later with greasy faces. They justified their stay at a high-end yakiniku restaurant as "protein-focused replenishment to maintain high-level judgment," claiming "radio interference in the private underground room" caused the loss of contact. It was also revealed that they expensed 400,000 yen worth of additional special premium kalbi as "bridge pier reinforcement materials."

Translations: JA
Money Maze