"Internal Bling" for Inner Beauty Denied as Business Expense: Tax Office Rules "Depreciation Period Ends at Defecation"

Physically implementing the adage “true wealth lies within,” a growing number of executives are paving their stomach walls with pure gold. However, when they present abdominal X-rays as “asset ledgers,” the tax office coldly rejects the claims, ruling that “the depreciation period ends upon digestion (approximately 24 hours).” Along with the golden stool, millions of yen in investments are literally being flushed down the drain.

As the tax return season gets underway, bizarre scenes are unfolding at Tokyo Regional Taxation Bureau counters. IT executives clad in bespoke suits are crowding the desks, brandishing their abdominal X-rays and insisting, “This is my fixed asset!” What they are demanding is the write-off of “Internal Bling,” a trend that has exploded in popularity among the ultra-wealthy in recent years.

“Internal Bling” is the ultimate inner self-care, in which clients ingest large quantities of edible pure gold slurry or micro-diamond powder to temporarily coat the interior of their digestive tracts. A run-away manifestation of the traditional Edo aesthetic of “true chic is spending money where it can’t be seen,” a single treatment costs anywhere from several million to tens of millions of yen. Posting Instagram photos of the post-procedure X-rays—which reveal the golden, glowing silhouette of one’s stomach and intestines—has become the ultimate badge of success.

Yet, the wall of the tax authorities remains thick. A representative from the Minato Tax Office asserted, “As a rule, parts of the human body or ingested substances do not qualify as depreciable assets.” Executives counter by arguing, “Since we act as our own brand ambassadors, the gold-plating of our stomach walls is a ‘capital expenditure’ equivalent to painting a billboard, and is indispensable for conducting business.” However, the authorities shut this down with a new interpretation known as the “Bowel Movement Standard”: “Even if we were to recognize it as an asset, its useful life is ‘from ingestion to defecation.’ Therefore, unless it remains in the body at the end of the fiscal year, it cannot be capitalized.”

Due to this cold directive, many “internal assets” are rejected as business expenses and relegated to “personal hobbies” (not even qualifying as miscellaneous expenses). One real estate mogul expressed outrage: “My intestines have a higher land value than prime real estate in Ginza. The fact that this wealth gets flushed down the toilet the next morning is a flaw in the tax system!” However, their tax accountant could only hold their head in hands, sighing, “Since it is physically flowing away, we have absolutely no grounds for appeal.”

Even more ironically, the Bureau of Sewerage has raised a different concern. High concentrations of gold have been detected in the sewage of luxury residential areas, sparking an unexpected “gold rush” at wastewater treatment plants. A Tokyo Metropolitan Government sewerage official commented, “While dumping precious metals into the public sewer system might be viewed as a de facto donation to the city, it clogs the pipes, so we would appreciate it if they stopped.” Ultimately, the gold swallowed for asset protection has resulted in the most inefficient redistribution of wealth imaginable.

Stakeholder Comments

• IT Company CEO: “I tell my employees we need to have a ‘gut-level conversation.’ Of course, my gut is paved with pure gold.”
• Regional Taxation Bureau Official: “No matter how glittering your stomach is, your tax return is completely blank. Claim denied.”
• Cosmetic Surgeon: “Next up is ‘platinum lung coating.’ You’ll feel your asset value rise with every breath you take.”
• Tax Accountant: “Even Toyotomi Hideyoshi, who built the famous Golden Tea Room, never tried to eat it.”
• Sewerage Bureau Worker: “Lately, the job application rate for our sludge processing unit has gone through the roof.”
• Investor: “It’s the ultimate day trade—timing your bowel movements with the market price of gold.”
• Gastroenterologist: “The gold reflects the endoscope’s light so much that we can’t see anything. Examination is impossible.”
• Gold Leaf Artisan: “This is not its intended use, but to think my gold is decorating someone’s viscera… I have mixed feelings.”
• Toilet (made by TOTO): “Every morning, I feel the tension of greeting royalty.”
• Stool: “It was a glittering life (approximately 24 hours).”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Swallowing gold / from the depths of the gut / a chilly tax wind
• On the X-ray / all that is visible / the folly of gold
• Expenses denied / flushed down the water / a dream of spring
• Internal Bling / tax return season / loose bowels
• Farting gold dust / the president marches / to the tax office
• Asset value / along with digestion / washes away
• Brief is the life / of brilliant glitter / upon the toilet seat
• On the tax form / the stamp of rejection / lies heavy on the gut
• The sewers / become a river / of glittering mud
• Showing my gut / yet it brings no wealth / this spring day

Kanji / Chinese Characters

富裕層胃壁純金舗装 内臓装飾経費否認 税務署冷徹 耐用期間排便迄 数百万投資水泡帰

Emoji

✨🏥💊👨‍💼🩻➡️🙅‍♂️📉🚽👋💸

Onomatopoeia

Sparkle, gulp. Flash! Murmur… Thwack! (sound of rejected documents returned) Flushhhhh. Silence…

SNS

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• #LetMeWriteItOff
• #SewerageBureauIsWarmingUp
• #InnerCareDiffInterpretations
• #AssetRetirementLossPhysical
• #CryingInTheToilet