Customer Service Abolishes "Apologies" and Mandates "Muscle Poses" for Physical Conflict Resolution

On the 2nd, major BPO operator Muscle Communications Co., Ltd. announced a complete ban on the use of apologetic language (such as “We are deeply sorry”) across all call centers it operates. Instead, it has introduced a new guideline, the “Physical Response Protocol” (PRP), which mandates performing compulsory bodybuilding poses. Amid the growing social issue of customer harassment (abusive complaints), the company has effectively abandoned rational dialogue through words, steering instead toward biological persuasion through muscles.

Currently, the company’s operators consist entirely of competitive bodybuilders with body fat percentages below 10%. In principle, customer complaints are handled via video calls. The moment a customer voices an unreasonable demand, the operator tears off their shirt and presses their thick chest against the camera with a shout of “Side chest!” This sequence of actions is defined not as “intimidation,” but as “the visualization of sincerity with all one’s heart and soul.”

On the first day of implementation, an incident occurred where an operator responded to a screaming customer by filling the screen with a “Lat Spread” (a pose to widen the back). Though the customer, whose field of view was entirely blocked by the operator’s latissimus dorsi, shouted “Listen to me!”, the operator fought back silently with “Pectoral Communication,” twitching their left and right pectoral muscles alternately. The contraction rhythm of the muscles confused the customer’s brain like Morse code, leading to consecutive cases where customers hung up within three minutes, saying, “Alright, I yield to your muscles.”

“Apologizing is an exposure of weakness, but posing is a demonstration of strength,” asserted Rikiya Goda, CEO of the company, during a press conference while holding a protein shaker. “Customers who complain actually harbor a subconscious desire to be overpowered by overwhelming force. Our ‘Abdominal and Thigh’ pose confronts them with a truth (muscles) that transcends mere wordplay. This is the ultimate Customer Satisfaction (CS).” In fact, the company’s customer satisfaction rating surged from 12% before the implementation to 98%, which includes responses stating “I never want to call again” due to the physical intimidation.

Analyzing this movement, Professor Hosomacho Usotsuki (a play on words meaning “slender but muscular liar”), a sociologist of labor, commented, “This suggests the limits of dialogue in modern society. Since ancient times, humanity has drawn boundaries using muscles when dealing with those who cannot be reasoned with. Applying this to business is revolutionary, though there is room for improvement, as hold times are prolonged while operators pump up.” He added a mysterious note of approval: “Personally, I also believe deadlifts are effective for handling complaints.”

Moving forward, the company plans to embark on the development of “MI” (Muscle Intelligence) rather than AI (Artificial Intelligence). By analyzing voice patterns to measure the customer’s level of anger, they aim to implement a feature where, the moment anger peaks, multiple operators combine like a gymnastics pyramid to unleash a screen-spanning “Most Muscular” pose. In the call center that has abandoned words, deep, gruff shouts and the sound of chafing body oil continue to echo today.

Stakeholder Comments

• CEO Rikiya Goda: “‘The customer is not God.’ ‘The customer is a judge.’ I want them to judge us based on our definition and vascularity.”
• On-site Operator (3 years of experience): “I used to feel like I was getting an ulcer, but now I feel like my biceps are going to burst. My mental stress is completely gone.”
• Customer A (Complainant): “When I was about to get angry, they started applying oil on the other side of the screen, which terrified me. Sincerity didn’t come through, but the terror certainly did.”
• Customer B (Complainant): “When they shouted ‘You’re cut!’ back at me, I thought my phone line had been cut, but they were talking about their muscle cuts.”
• In-house SE (Systems Engineer): “The video call bandwidth is being choked by the rendering of muscle texture. Real-time muscle control in 4K resolution puts too much load on our servers.”
• Uniform Supplier: “They only order shirts made of elastic materials now. On top of that, they tear them during almost every shift, so the turnover is extremely fast. It’s a special demand boom for us.”
• Occupational Physician: “We no longer have employees complaining of throat inflammation, but joint pain and internal organ fatigue from excessive protein intake have skyrocketed.”
• Call Recording Announcement: “This call is being recorded to improve service quality and to check muscle definition.”
• Competitor PR: “Barbarian behavior. We resolve issues through words. Although, we are considering a ‘Pokupoku Response’ where an AI chants Buddhist sutras.”
• Dumbbell: “When they grip me, they handle me far more gently than they do the telephone receiver.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• No apologies / Pectorals bounce on the phone / A silent response
• Angry shouts fade out / Body oil glistens brightly / A summer afternoon
• Every complaint / Twisted and pinned to the ground / By a flexed bicep
• True sincerity / Defined by sweat and muscle / Hit a side chest pose
• Hanging up the phone / Hands trembling with excitement / A massive pump-up
• Across the webcam / A wall of intimidation / Built of a thick chest
• More than any words / The lat spread speaks volumes now / A back wide as sea
• The customer falls mute / Before the muscle posing / A warm spring breeze blows
• Do not apologize / Show me your muscles instead / Oh, little cuckoo
• Unreasonable demands / Crushed into pieces by / The bulging biceps

Kanji / Chinese Characters

顧客対応謝罪廃止 筋肉誇示義務化 理不尽要求撃退 大胸筋対話標準 物理的満足向上

Emoji

📞😡💢 🆚 💪😎✨ ➡️ 😨💦 ➡️ 🤐🆗

Onomatopoeia

Flex flex, twitch twitch. Rip, snap. Oily, shiny. Boom! Silence… Rrrraaaah! Rip! (sound of shirt tearing) Hmph, hmph.

SNS

• #MuscleCustomerService
• Called customer support and a bodybuilding posing contest started lol
• Instead of an apology, they hit me with a side chest pose lmao
• #LookingSwole
• Sincerity (Physical)
• The job listing for the call center now reads: “Tournament placement experience required”
• The pressure through the screen is unreal. Is this the Metaverse?
• Filed a complaint and got recommended protein powder
• Muscles for people you can’t reason with—this might actually be the truth
• Just bought shares of Muscle Communications