Deceased AI pitches supplements at own funeral: 'I'd still be alive if I drank this.' Bereaved family's tears dry up at the sight of post-mortem affiliate rewards.

On the 18th, an unprecedented "live demonstration sale" was held at a funeral hall in Tokyo, where solemn chanting usually echoes. On a large monitor installed in the center of the altar, an AI avatar of the deceased with a gentle smile was projected, and relatives were dabbing their eyes with handkerchiefs. However, what came out of the AI’s mouth was neither a word of farewell nor a feeling of gratitude.

"Everyone, please do not be sad. But you know, if I had taken this ‘Super Vitality Grain EX’ during my lifetime, I might have lived another 10 years." The AI suddenly pulled out a CG-synthesized supplement bottle and aimed a capsule at the camera with smooth motion. "Right now, if you sign up for a subscription via the QR code, the first month is half price at 1,980 yen. Please consider it as part of my memorial battle." At the corner of the altar, a bright pink QR code began to flash.

The grief of the bereaved family instantly turned to anger. The eldest son, serving as the chief mourner, confronted the funeral home representative, shouting, "Are you planning to turn my father’s funeral into a TV shopping channel?" But the representative, breaking into a cold sweat, presented a single consent form. It contained an electronic signature from the deceased for a "Post-Mortem Affiliate Program" signed during his lifetime.

According to Digital Life Estate Co., which operates the program, the service uses AI to automatically select "products the deceased would likely recommend" based on their lifetime browsing history and pitches them to funeral attendees. 20% of the sales are instantly transferred to the bereaved family’s account as an affiliate reward, acting as "Digital Incense Money (Koden)." It appears the deceased had checked the box with a light heart during his lifetime as an extension of his point-earning activities (poi-katsu).

The situation changed abruptly the moment the representative announced, "We have already had three successful contracts from the relatives, and the current reward amount is approximately 1,200 yen. It will be transferred every month as long as the subscription continues." The eldest son’s raised fist slowly lowered, and his face, which had been full of anger, was replaced by a look of complex calculation. The relatives looked at each other, and without a word, they all took out their smartphones and began aiming their cameras at the QR code on the altar.

"I’m sure Dad would be happy in heaven too, so I guess I’ll try buying one bag." As the eldest son muttered this and pressed the purchase button, the AI deceased on the monitor immediately launched a cross-sell: "Thank you for your purchase! Next, how about this beauty serum for your wife’s aging skin?" The solemn place of parting was transformed in an instant into a harmonious business meeting between the deceased and the relatives.

The Institute of Electronic Ethics at Teito University, an expert in IT law, warns of a "chimeric phenomenon created by the fusion of the deceased’s portrait rights and capitalism." On the other hand, for bereaved families struggling with funeral costs, the "deceased as a high-quality asset" who earns autonomously could potentially be a new form of relief.

In this era of a hundred million affiliates, even after death. The era of paying six coppers to the ferryman of the Sanzu River has come to an end; it seems modern spirits sell supplements themselves to pay their own way across. Is the smile of the deceased waving from across the monitor a kindness worrying about the household finances of those left behind, or is it a dystopian illusion shown by an algorithm? At the very least, as long as they don’t forget to cancel the subscription, Dad will continue to live on inside the family’s wallet.

Stakeholder Comments

• Chief Mourner (Eldest Son): "At first I thought it was a joke, but if it helps with the funeral costs, my dad would probably be happy. Next month we’re having him sell water coolers."
• Funeral Staff: "Lately, more customers are asking for ‘music that stimulates buying’ rather than ‘music that makes you cry.’ It’s confusing."
• Digital Life Estate CEO: "Death is the ultimate lead generation. The sanctity of life produces the highest conversion rates."
• Attendee A (Friend): "I laughed because it’s just like his pushiness. I got suckered into buying, but it’s cheaper than one night of drinking."
• Attendee B (Relative): "I’d rather pay by card and get points than put cash in an envelope. This is actually helpful."
• Religion Scholar: "The deceased reaching enlightenment as a salesman rather than a Bodhisattva is a doctrinal development even Buddha wouldn’t have anticipated."
• MHLW Official: "We are currently consulting with tax authorities and AI regarding taxation standards for post-mortem commercial activities."
• Deceased AI: "Everyone! There’s a flash sale right now! I won’t come back to life, but your hair might!"
• Affiliate Terms: "Since nobody reads to the end, it’s always a surprise when I’m activated. Isn’t it great?"
• Supplement sold: "I never thought my debut would be a funeral instead of a shopping channel. I’m feeling quite focused."

International Expressions

Haiku

• From the portrait / pitching health supplements / on a spring evening
• Sound of sobbing / drowned out by the chime / of code payments
• Spring rain falling / a subscription delivery / instead of condolence cash
• AI smiling / bashfully on the altar / in a digital glow
• "I might live again" / he laughs through the screen / among misty blooms
• Even after death / my old man is earning / the first gale of spring
• Reading the fine print / tears start to dry up / at the funeral hall
• Inheritance grows / and anger fades away / with the pale cherry blossoms
• Electronic death / the warmth in a voice / pitching a sale
• Mourning family / crying over discount codes / rather than parting

Kanji / Chinese Characters

Solemn Funeral Midst Deceased Artificial Intelligence Suddenly Health Food Live Sales Start Pre-death Consent Terms Activated Performance Reward Inheritance Inclusion Found Bereaved Family Fury Reversal Everyone Handheld Device Purchase Process Completed Post-mortem Economic Activity New Era Arrival

Emoji

⚰️😭🖥️💊🗣️➡️😡📜💸🤩📱🛒

Onomatopoeia

Sob-sob, sniffle… Pop! Blah-blah-blah. Murmur-murmur, click. Ping, ka-ching. Smug-smug, grin. Beep, ta-da!

SNS

• #FuneralLiveSales
• Is my grandpa going to start selling stuff after he dies too…?
• Clicked buy on a supplement instead of giving condolence money #PostMortemAffiliate
• "I’d still be alive if I drank this" is a foul move lol
• I want my tears back, but I’ll buy if the first month is half off.
• #DeceasedAI
• A true influencer earns even after death.
• We’re in an era where QR codes fly out from funeral portraits.
• I’m going to read the terms carefully before I die.
• Post-mortem affiliate settings are more important than pre-death subscription cancellations.